Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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