It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
