Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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