I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
