I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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