dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
