There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
