Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
