there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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