if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
