yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
