his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
