living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
