i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
