the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
