do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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