wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
