just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
