you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
