The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have fence marks all over my body
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
