My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
