I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In other news, I just burned my penis
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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