My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
