I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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