This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
