oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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