She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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