He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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