He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
