he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
