He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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