Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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