my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
