Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
