Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
