I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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