I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
