i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
