I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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