And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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