Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My liver just broke up with me...
please come you make the beer taste better
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
