none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
