Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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