Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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