Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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