you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
