Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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