I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
