you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
