I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
