Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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