She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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