Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize