Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
These tits shall not be calmed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
