like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
