Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
