thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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