Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
