you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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