I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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