based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
