we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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