We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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