O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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