You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
