I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
