and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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