whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it's like iHOP with fire
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
