you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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