party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
